Fat Jew, a.k.a. The King of Brunch, Jew Diamond Phillips, Jewther Vandross, the bi-sexual/ugly Rob Lowe, the Sultan of Schmooze, Young Ted Danson, Jewbix Cube, Bobby Lobster, Baby Gap, Jewnafish Salad, is an MC in the New York-based rap group that goes by the name of Team Facelift. Famous for songs such as "I Wanna Have Your Baby" and "Lotion in the Basket", what more is there to say? They're almost as amazing as Fat Jew himself. He is, in fact, a fat Jewish man. Coming to you live from the Upper West Side, he's famous for his antics which he so publicly displays on his twitter. He's completely enamored with lounging in bathtubs full of assorted items such as cheeseburgers, cooked spaghetti, DVD's, etc. He has strange obsessions with Who's the Boss? and Golden Girls, Steven Seagal, and Fran Drescher. He also loves thongs, whether they're made of leather, denim, or fettuccine. His favorite words are "gangster" and "epic". He's constantly perplexed with the depth of his bellybutton, always pushing the limits of what he can exactly fit down there. Last but not least, he's known as The King of Brunch because, well, it's pretty self explanatory. He does brunch everyday, 7 days a week. But what's a brunch without the key ingredient? What might that be, you say? Cold cuts, of course!!! Wherever Fat Jew goes, there are always endless cold cuts involved. I was lucky enough to spot Fat Jew myself a couple weeks ago outside a bar in the West Village, and let me tell you, he's even more amazing in person. He is the epitome of a true New York City character. Which brings me to Baron Von Fancy. "Baron Von Fancy is the most elusive and sought-after artist/designer in the entire world. Nay, the universe. The New York Post once described him as 'The enigmatic face of the art world that is shrouded in a brilliant and mysterious shadow.' He is rarely seen, yet his impact is felt by all. He designs his garments while locked in a fortress made of live doves, often while getting hand-bathed by incredibly handsome heterosexual men. He burst onto the scene in 1999 when he unveiled his now-famous ostrich sandals at a cocktail party in Berlin. In Baron's world, luxury is an all-consuming passion. Slip on a smoking jacket, sip a cold glass of rare and expensive imported breast-milk beside a roaring hearth, and ask yourself 'Am I fucking fancy enough to indulge in the true swank of Baron Von Fancy?'" The Baron makes paintings, creatures, patterns, photographs, sculptures, and clothing. It's unclear whether the Baron himself is actually a member of Team Facelift or not, (which I suspect he probably is) but whoever he is he definitely loves them. They are often the center of his work, usually the photographs, which are pretty fucking comical. Sometime this winter Fat Jew began tweeting about his "new tote-bag line", appropriately deemed "Murder She Tote". The two are connected in such a way that Baron Von Fancy lists the patterns that appear on the totes as his artwork on his website. The bags are mediocre, but I recently purchased the only cool one, and it fucking rocks. The pattern is Andy Warhol's Marilyn Monroe portrait, except there are little faces of dogs in place of her boobs, and it says Murder She Tote on it. Yeah. I'd be jealous too. But basically that's the story. Here are all the links you'll want to check out after reading this:
Fat Jew's Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/jewthervandross
Fat Jew's Twitter: http://twitter.com/TheFatJew
Team Facelift's website: http://teamfacelift.com/
Team Facelift's Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/teamfacelift
Baron Von Fancy's website: http://www.baronvonfancy.com/
Baron Von Fancy's Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/baronvonfancy
Murder She Tote's website: http://murdershetote.com/
Facebook group supporting Fat Jew's wrongful termination(s): http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=4188763415
p.s. Fat Jew has been atrociously booted from Facebook on three separate occasions, so if you want to friend him, he's listed under the pseudonym Joshua Onassis.
